Alone at the house

Dear Mom,

Today was the very first time that I was over at the house by myself (with Logan, of course, but we were all alone). The water softener people had to come and remove their appliance. The electricity has been shut off, so of course it was hot and muggy. I opened the front and back door and looked around while Logan had his bottle in his car seat. As I was walking around and thinking about what other things I might want to take home, I just got so angry. I hate admitting this, but I'm angry with you. Why didn't you wear a helmet? Do you realize how that little decision alone has changed everyone's life? Logan will never know his grandmother. He'll never get to make homemade Play-Doh with you. He won't have his grandma at "grandparents' day" in elementary school. You always wanted a granddaughter. Now, if my next child is a girl, who will help me decorate her nursery with girly decor? I'm just so upset with you. And it hurts. It hurts that one stupid decision has cost me my mom and my son's grandmother.

Now, I know that you just absolutely loved motorcycles and riding. Everyone keeps reminding me that, "At least she was doing something she loved." Did you love motorcycling more than me, Logan, and Michael? I highly doubt it, yet supposedly that's supposed to make me feel better. Do you know how many people at your company have reached out to us since you've gone? They feel sorry for us and hate to see us in this circumstance. I just feel so upset with you. Did you know that I had to check a box today that said "mother deceased"? I was filling out Logan's day care enrollment form and the paperwork asked for grandparent information. There were places for emergency contacts, authorized pick-ups, and immediate family information. Who am I supposed to put now that you're gone? Adam's parents can't very well be an emergency contact, they live 2 1/2 hours away. Dad is out of town on business a lot, especially now that he got another sales territory. Michael lives in Ohio. Who else would be able to pick up Logan if there was an emergency? You, as the grandmother, are supposed to fulfill that role. You're supposed to be there for us when we need you, and now you're gone. Don't you know how much that sucks? And to know it could've been avoided so easily... that's what angers me the most right now.